Yeah we went out again last night. Spent heaps again. So much for not eating out and cooking at the villa to save money! Mark, my friend from Australia is here so we went to an Indian place for dinner with him and his boyfriend, Ferdy. Another Australian guy Brian came with his “boyfriend”, Eky. Eky was at the bar the night before cruising me so I use the term boyfriend loosely. Dinner was quite nice. Then we went to the bars again. Ade flirts with everyone and I just see so many guys I want to take home and have sex with. And I could. We both had a lot to drink and yes you guessed it – had a bit of a scene again. I wanted the keys to the car because I decided to leave and Ade wouldn’t give them to me because he said I was drunk and couldn’t drive. He is the one who crashed his motorbike when drunk – not me! I ended up walking the short distance back to the villa and he drove. We had big words back at the villa and I said lots of stuff, then we fucked liked rabbits and went to sleep. Ade said we compete with each other when we are out to see who can flirt the most. He’s right I think we do. We both love the attention. He said for him it’s a game and he doesn’t necessarily want to have sex with any of the people he flirts with. I told him for me it’s different – I want to have sex with all of them and would, given the chance. Interesting evening. My depression has lifted a little even though the weather is still SHIT here. We haven’t seen the sun since I arrived. My mood has improved because I have stopped thinking about that fucking hellhole of a school. Yes Bruce you are right – I don’t want to go back too to whatever bloody madness will face us this term.
Archive Page 2
It’s cool having Internet at the villa where I have stayed so much. Have had a very boring day. Didn’t wake up till nearly eleven this morning. Ade and I went out last night to the gay bars. I am in a funny mood here. I have been grumpy, depressed and very moody. I think it has something to do with what happened on the last day of school and suddenly realising that I need to find another job and my time in Sumbawa is drawing to a close. Ade got quite drunk last night and spent heaps on booze. He and a friend were sharing drinks that I was paying for. That pissed me off. Mark, a friend from Australia was there and told me he had lost his mother five weeks before. It was impossible to talk over the music so we didn’t have much of a conversation. In my bitchy mood I almost felt like saying to him, “How could you possibly lose your mother? It’s not like she is the size of a key or something.” I am glad I kept my mouth shut. Arief, the guy I was with before Ade was also there and he came up to say hi. That sort of unnerved me a bit too as I chose Ade over him. Ade’s friend, was a bit sexy and took his shirt of and was dancing. He was a bit touchy-feelie too and I really would have like to have played with him. I didn’t dare express that to Ade because it wouldn’t have gone down well. Ade becomes this cruisy, smiling bar boy type of character when he is drunk and that wasn’t that much fun to watch. He probably spends quite a few evenings out with his friends when I am not around. I got a bit grumpy and we left. Ade threw up the nice steak I had cooked for dinner and all the expensive drinks I had bought shortly after we got home. So all in all it was a bit of a disaster of evening. This afternoon he said to me, “Are we going out again tonight?”
Left my house in Sumbawa at 7.11 pm on Thursday evening. Arrived at the villa in Bali at 10 am Friday. We had to wait nearly two hours at Padangbai to dock That sort stretched the trip a bit. I didn’t sleep hardly at all on the Bali ferry. It was one without rentable cabins. The car was parked near a door to the engines. It was so hot in the car even with the windows open and so noisy. When we arrived at the villa we couldn’t check in until two so we had breakfast at Cafe Moka. Decided to drive to Ade’s place and wait until we could check into the villa. Had a bit of a sleep in Ade’s room, which made me feel better. Dave rang me and we had a chat about the situation. He convinced me to stay until my contract finishes as I will get nothing if I resign. The air conditioner in our bedroom at the villa wasn’t working but it was fixed quickly. The great news is they have installed wireless Internet since I last stayed here. I am really happy I have it! Means I can blog and stuff all the time still. Irwan the new driver needs some lessons. He sort of rides the clutch on every gear change. It became quite irritating on the trip over. Am looking forward to chilling out here for two weeks. I don’t even want to think about going back to the asylum. I know it is going to be tough making it through till June especially after Dave and Bruce leave in December.
It is true – incompetence is rewarded where I happen to be employed. Nepotism is also alive and well. The current executive principal, who is an expat, will be replaced by the national principal. I am not being ethnocentric but the fact that he is Indonesian and favoured by the chairman of the board, who is also Indonesian, is part of why he is being given the job. There is no regard for whether he is able to do it or not. From where I see it he couldn’t organise a fuck in a brothel. He has displayed no skill at all in being what all teachers in most schools would describe as basic principal behaviours. I was accused of being cynical when I guffawed at the comment that the school will take a different direction. That’s for sure. Since amalgamation it has been careening toward imminent disaster. We hit the wall quite a while ago and noone is picking up the pieces. It will revert to its former mediocrity. Describing it as mediocre is an exaggeration actually. And you know what? I don’t give a shit. I am out of here as soon as another chance arises. The noble experiment of joining two groups that had been separated for at least ten years in town site, has failed miserably and been a complete disaster.
I had a rather boozy weekend as usual. It was so nice staying at Yoyo’s though. I love being there and it will be so hard to leave the place but I know I must. My time has really come to move on. I am in the process of searching for another job. I want to stay in Indonesia if I can but if I find a job somewhere else in Asia I will be happy. Maybe I will get to go to Manila to the EARCOS conference – maybe I won’t. I need to get out of this school though. Daily it continues to degenerate. This week is a short one thank goodness. We finish on Wednesday. I will spend the holiday in Bali with Ade. I have to get a new visa for Oliver too to enter Australia for the next 12 months. Hope that goes OK.
Not for the feint hearted another list….Things I LOVE…
Being fucked. (Truly straight men will never understand this one. But to be a man and give yourself completely and utterly to someone else is liberating and the ultimate in being comfortable with who you are. A good sniff of poppers helps too hehehehhe especially when you are talking donkey dicks!)
Being a SLUT!
Red wine
REAL TEACHERS AND PRINCIPALS WHO KNOW THEIR JOB!
Opera – Pop – Rock – MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC
Gadgets/Technology/Mac Computers
My mother (Yeah there were issues but she loves me UNCONDITIONALLY)
My father (This will never be reciprocated because I know you were ashamed of me but I loved you anyway.)
OLIVER OLIVER OLIVER always unconditionally that’s my promise…
ADE ADE ADE
Poppers, POPPERS POPPERS and being fucked up the arse using them…..
Being GAY, GAY, GAY – I’m GAY and I don’t GIVE A SHIT!
Having my nipples sucked, licked, bitten…
Food, cooking, eating.
Perineums
Cats
ART, ART ART ART ART ARTISTS PAINTINGS SCULPTURE PRINTS FILMS BOOKS…
Clothes
Shocking people in a subtle way…..hehehehehehehe
This is like automatic writing or Jackson Pollock or something…stream of consciousness…. GO BOY!
Fucking school. Dickhead administrators. Shit for brains teachers. Incompetence. Laziness. Segregation. Contempt for experience. Lack of balls. Childish behaviour from adults. What a fucking day. It has been raining. I love the rain. Everything is sweet and clean after the rain.
I had a shitty childhood actually. I always thought of myself as incredibly gorky, ugly, too skinny and not particularly good at anything. And I probably was. I remember having nasty pimples as a teenager and looking in the mirror and wanting to die. I always felt there was something different about me. Why wasn’t I excited about sticking my finger in a girl’s vagina like some of the other boys were? I had a pretty poor self esteem as a teenager. I always compared myself to the other boys – all of them were better looking, had richer parents and were confident and arrogant in their maleness. I sort of hid and tried not to be noticed. Two of my biggest fears in high school were having to be naked in front of the other boys and being confronted by someone who wanted to fight. I was never in a situation where I had to fight thank goodness. I remember painfully trying to shower and get dressed so no-one would see me while the cocky boys with big dicks would parade around naked so we could all see them. I see know that I had every right to be cocky too and I could have made more of my late teens and early adulthood because none of what I felt about myself was really true.
Killing yourself before your parents died. What a fucking cruel thing to do! You could of had the decency not to pre-decease the people who gave you life. Selfish bastard. I will have the decency and decorum to wait.
Reading my friend’s blog about the fasting month of Ramadan and what has happened in our school made me so angry last night. He knows how I feel about it. What I want to know is who made us do this? Who made the decision to segregate the eaters from the fasters? There is a big orange screen around the eating area for the children not fasting. That’s the Christians and other infidels. One of my students who is only 8 years old refers to it as “the orange wall of death.”
